


Bottled up

by DancingStarQueen



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Just a moment in IzuLeo living together, Late night talks, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Sharing a Bed, also mentions of lionheart if you squint, mentions of checkmate if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:26:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29984214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DancingStarQueen/pseuds/DancingStarQueen
Summary: And Leo talked. Words finally left his mouth, finally found their way out of his too busy mind. A mind loaded with anxiety and guilt and all the things he had kept bottled up for days, months, years. A mind that once had created so many beautiful melodies but suddenly was filled with so many dark thoughts which kept him awake at night, tossing and turning before he finally woke up in sweat and tears...
Relationships: Sena Izumi/Tsukinaga Leo
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	Bottled up

**Author's Note:**

> I dedicate this little piece of art to my newly aquired Insta spouse~  
> You know who you are and this is a thank you for constantly inspiring me to write and put our randomly thrown together thoughts into little pieces of joy!  
> Our conversations mean the world to me, thank you for constantly listening to my rambles and ideas and for your apparently endless support towards my writing!  
> I hope you especially will enjoy reading this!

It's in the middle of the night, the room covered in darkness and nothing but the steady breathing of two people lightly echoing off the walls. Izumi was resting on his side, eyes fixed on the clock and back turned to the smaller figure that was resting beside him.

1:36am.

He had to get up early in the morning, 6am, for a modeling job so he barely had four and a half hours left to get some sleep in. He really didn't want to risk dark circles under his eyes from involuntarily pulling an all-nighter so he probably should just-  
"Hey Sena… Are you awake?" Leo's voice was unusually quiet and yet Izumi flinched lightly at the sudden sound. The silver haired male sighed in annoyance and slowly turned around, finding himself face to face with the shorter male. He barely could make out Leo's face in the darkness but he felt a pair of green eyes staring into his own blue ones.  
Usually, Izumi would've chased Leo out of his bed the second he tried to crawl beneath the sheets. The other one had his own room within their shared apartment after all, fully equipped with a comfortable bed, a closet and a desk to work on. Tonight however, Izumi didn't feel like going through the trouble. His day had been long and he was exhausted so when Leo climbed into the bed at around 10pm, he just let it happen. Besides, it's not like he particularly minded Leo sleeping in his bed. Not that he'd ever admit to that.  
“What do you want?” He finally asked, voice just as quiet. There wasn’t anyone they could bother by speaking in a louder tone, but Izumi hoped he could at least keep up the illusion of being able to go to sleep soon.

“I felt awful. Back then…” Leo mumbled and shuffled just a little closer into Izumi’s personal space. Izumi was about to ask what the hell the other boy was talking about, but for some reason his voice failed him. He slowly closed his mouth again and waited for Leo to continue talking. The atmosphere turned unusually serious.  
“It was like, when emptiness consumes you or when you’re lost in some huuuge maze and… Ugh, words are so hard! Why don’t we have easier ways to communicate?!” Izumi was surprised about Leo’s sudden outburst, to say the least. His voice suddenly seemed a lot louder, booming in the other male’s ears. He could barely make out Leo’s pained expression and before he could give it a second thought, Izumi reached for one of Leo’s hands under the blanket.

The tips of their fingers barely brushed against each other but the soft touch felt strangely… comforting to the short male. Leo extended his hand a little, loosely linking their fingers together. He was positive Izumi knew what he was trying to talk about. What happened years ago… Actually, how many years has it been now? One? Two? Three? Leo felt like he had lost sense of time ever since he moved into Izumi’s cozy apartment in Florence. Things were so nice and peaceful here, so calm and quiet. Just the two of them in the middle of a sunny and warm place to call their own. A place that smelled just like Izumi… just like **home**.  
Leo spent a lot of time recently pushing out all kinds of new compositions. Compositions he was happy with, melodies that filled his mind and made him smile. And he knew they made Izumi smile too. The taller male tried to hide it, covered his mouth or turned away, but Leo knew. Leo knew Izumi liked listening to the sounds flowing from the piano in their small living room. The sounds that left his mouth as he hummed his newest work of art. Yes, sometimes Leo forgot about the things that have been. The things they both went through. It felt like a distant memory… until it suddenly doesn’t. Until suddenly, without any warning, all those memories, all those feelings, emotions, come crashing down on Leo like he was standing underneath a waterfall that held all the things he was trying to supress. All the things he didn’t want to remember. What made him sad, angry, upset. An interruption in his garden of Eden. **Their** garden of Eden.

Izumi felt Leo’s hand tremble slightly in his gentle hold. Like he was nervous. He knew Leo wasn’t entirely incapable of getting nervous but he usually was very capable of covering up those kinds of emotions. It’s one of the things that made them surprisingly similar to each other. The blue eyed man tugged the other’s hand a little closer, his grip tightening just slightly. Of course he now was very aware of what Leo was trying to talk about. Dark memories of the past regularly clouded his mind.  
It was during days where the sun didn’t shine, where the sky was dark and unforgiving wind was brushing up against the windows of their home.   
It was during weeks when Leo was gone, whipped away by his sense of freedom and wish to do whatever he pleased. Whipped away by Madara who dragged him around cities and countries. Whipped away by the work Leo began to love again.   
It was during times where he was alone in their apartment. When there was nothing but his steady breathing and the background noise the TV provided, some italian soap opera playing.

During those moments he remembered. Remembered the defeat they had suffered under. The struggle he had gone through to build himself up again, to carry Knights on his own back because he wouldn’t… because he couldn’t let it go. Couldn’t let go of the past, of the thing he had called his youth. Couldn’t let go of the bloodshed path they had left behind on their way to the top, only to fall so far, so deep.  
He remembered how he had turned up at Leo’s house one afternoon after school, shortly before the DDD competition, to drop off some papers the Knights' leader needed to sign in order for them to be allowed to compete. The leader people had used over and over again for their own benefit. The leader that was slowly destroyed by the selfish actions of other people.  
He remembered how the idiot’s little sister had begged him to help her out, help get Leo out of his room where he had been hiding for months without any proper sign to his Knights about still being under the living. He remembered Leo’s worn out appearance, dirty clothes and messy hair and dark circles under his eyes from a lack of sleep. The anger he had felt as he turned around and left. The image of their once so glorious king now being in shambles was burned into his mind, even after years.  
Maybe he deserved to be reminded of that very image for the rest of his life. Izumi felt shame bubble within him as he thought about how he didn’t have the slightest idea about how much Leo actually had been suffering by himself.

He never asked.  
They both never asked.

They never had a proper conversation about all the things that had happened during their school years. Leo had been gone for months and then suddenly appeared again in the middle of their third highschool year. Izumi has been holding Knights up on his own, stepping in as a temporary leader for the remnants of their glorious days and when Leo returned, he let him take the King’s position without a single word. They talked. They talked about all kinds of things, but they never approached the elephant in the room.  
Maybe it was out of simple but overwhelming fear. They feared their own emotions. They feared the things that were to come if they approached this specific dark topic of their past. But they were stuck together now once more. They shared an apartment, their personal space has become one a long time ago. They shared a bed more often than not.  
It was in the middle of the night, they were both tired but despite the circumstances, maybe now was the right time to talk. To let it all out.  
“Tell me how you felt. Back then.” Izumi’s voice was barely a whisper, worried his voice would crack and give in if he spoke any louder and even though it was dark, he tried to show Leo a small but encouraging smile. He was encouraged to talk about his feelings. Right here, right now.

Leo, just as tired as Izumi was but with eyes surprisingly well adjusted to the dark, felt like an immeasurable amount of weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. Not necessarily because he finally felt like he was able to voice his thoughts and feelings from way back, but because Izumi was willing to listen. Izumi was here, right beside him and he was listening.  
Izumi had been a constant in his life for years now.  
And Leo talked. Words finally left his mouth, finally found their way out of his too busy mind. A mind loaded with anxiety and guilt and all the things he had kept bottled up for days, months, years. A mind that once had created so many beautiful melodies but suddenly was filled with so many dark thoughts which kept him awake at night, tossing and turning before he finally woke up in sweat and tears.  
He talked about how scared he was whenever he noticed how empty his mind suddenly was. There was no sound left, no beautiful melody filling his head like it usually did. It was silent and the silence pressured him. It kept him up for days and it caused nightmares as soon as the sun went down. He described how the pressure his mind created made him lose his appetite and how weak and exhausted he felt.  
Leo remembered all too well how tired he had been back then. He stayed awake for days, sitting at his desk in his dark room. Papers were scattered all around the floor, some still empty, some barely used and others ripped and crumpled up, holding half finished melodies with no meaning. Nothing had meaning anymore. Not the words that left his mouth, not the notes he brought to paper. He had tried so hard but instead of the loud and colorful world that once filled his head, there was nothing but darkness and absolute silence. In the rare occasions Leo did catch some sleep, he was haunted by the images of unit mates and people he once called his friends. His nightmares were filled with harsh words, disappointed expressions, people turning their backs, not sparing him a second glance. He often woke up screaming but whenever his parents or his little sister knocked on his door in a panic, asking if he was alright, he refused an answer. He didn’t want to face them. He felt like he couldn’t, like he didn’t possess the strength to do so.

Leo didn’t know for how long he was talking. Maybe it only was 15 minutes, maybe it’s been an hour already. But eventually his voice gave in, hoarse from rambling on and on about all the things they never touched upon in all their time spent together. The room fell into silence once again as the two male’s looked at each other and even though Izumi’s eyes still weren’t as well adjusted to the dark as Leo’s were, he could see tear streaks running down the other’s pale face. The silver haired male was about to pull his hand out of Leo’s grip, when he noticed that Leo’s hand was, in fact, not in his hold anymore. Instead, it was gently pressing against his face, Leo’s warm thumb running across his cheek. The shorter boy let out a quiet, broken laugh.  
“Don’t cry~ Your eyes will be all red and puffy in the morning from that.”

Izumi huffed quietly and shook Leo’s hand off. Why was he crying? He wasn’t supposed to be the one crying! And Leo wasn’t supposed to comfort him, he was supposed to comfort Leo!  
“So annoying! Stop comforting me, I don’t need comforting!” He brought out, voice cracking just lightly at the end before his words ended in a quiet sob. Of course Izumi knew Leo wouldn’t take him seriously. So he was not surprised in the least when Leo let out a quiet chuckle and brought his hand back up to his cheek, wiping away the fresh tears that spilled from his eyes.  
And Leo smiled. His smile was shaky but it was soft and it was honest and beautiful. It existed right here and right now in the comfort of the bed they shared, in the warmth of the place they worked on making a home together. And really, it was all Izumi had wished for. He wished for Leo to be able to smile like that again. Honest and carefree and without the past weighing him down. He wanted Leo to have melodies fill his head and create a colorful world he could indulge in once more.  
He wanted Leo to be happy.  
Izumi slowly brought a hand up himself and wiped away the tears that rolled down the other male’s cheek with the sleeve of his shirt. He leaned in closer, gently pressed their foreheads together and Leo let him, let Izumi into his personal bubble. They connected through crumbled walls and they began to pick up the pieces of their broken selves, together.

Izumi pulled away from Leo for a few seconds and turned around to reach into the drawer of the little nightstand. He then turned back to Leo and unwrapped the earphones which were tied around an old IPod. He struggled to turn the device on, partly because he was tired and his sight was cloudy from tears, partly because it was really old and Izumi was honestly surprised it still turned on in the first place. Leo stayed silent, not questioning anything as the other gently pushed the earphones into their ears. Izumi clicked through the songs, eventually choosing one and pressing the play button before resting the device on the space between them.  
“I don’t think all memories should be forgotten… After all, not everything was a disaster.” The silver haired male mumbled quietly as he shuffled back towards Leo, pressing their foreheads together gently once more.  
The sound coming from the small plug in his ear was weak and maybe a little scratchy due to the entire setup being so old but Leo immediately recognized the melody.

_A little Sena Izumi_

Leo hasn’t heard this piece in forever. He remembered how Izumi had made fun of him for the name being a knockoff of “a little serenade”.  
He didn’t respond to Izumi’s words and Izumi didn’t add anything to them so they fell silent once more. Leo was the first to fall asleep, their heads still pressed together and their fingers linked as the music played in their ears on repeat.  
Izumi was the first one to wake up, his one hand still holding onto Leo’s while his other reached out to turn off the alarm clock.

6am.

He fell asleep way too late and had to wake up way too early but he wouldn’t trade the happenings of the past night for anything in the world. He pulled the earplug out and let go of Leo’s hand as he got out of bed, careful to not wake the other up. Usually he’d wake the other boy up too, just to make sure he wouldn’t sleep the day away but… just for today, it’d be okay to let him sleep. Izumi followed his usual routine of showering, getting dressed and putting on enough makeup to cover up the dark spots underneath his eyes. He pulled the curtains shut properly so the sun wouldn’t fall onto Leo’s face before returning to the shorter male’s side of the bed. He hesitated for one second, two seconds, before he leaned down and pressed a quick kiss on Leo’s forehead. Then he turned around and left the room and the apartment.

The day looked promising. Sunny and warm despite the early hours.   
This once, Izumi decided to take this as a sign. He’d never say it out loud but he hoped they were now looking into a future as bright and beautiful as this very morning.  
Together.


End file.
